Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
