Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So vagazzling was a success
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
