I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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