I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
