Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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