worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I need moral support for this bender
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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