Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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