The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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