Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
