i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
