So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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