My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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