Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
