At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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