history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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