Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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