Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
