Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
