Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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