see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
