Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
