so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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