So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
