So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
