I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
