The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
