Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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