I wish I could punch you in the face.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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