it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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