boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
