I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
