I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
