Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
not ubering you a puppy
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
