The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
