She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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