Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
