never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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