Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
