You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
