I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize