So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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