is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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