Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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