Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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