yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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