p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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