I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
