do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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