pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
