you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Soap is not a condiment
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
