You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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