The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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