Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
