Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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