i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
