are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
