afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
