somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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